Will this ever end???

I am so depressed and have been for weeks. I barely function, meaning getting out of bed is the hardest thing I do every day. I haven't even opened the curtains in my house for days. My main source of interaction is the television. I am sad that I don't have kids. I am sad that I live alone. I am sad that I have to get out of bed in the morning. I recently started exercising only to injure my foot, so now I'm in pain whenever I walk and I think I've put exercise on hold. Partly because of my foot, but partly because I just can't make myself get out of bed to go to the gym. My life is so miserable that I feel as if I would just be better off dead. Today I was filling out some paperwork for long term disability from work and just filling out the paperwork was so overwhelming that I started to cry. It's not like I didn't know the answers, but I just felt like I was filling out a job application. What in the world does my job from 15 years ago have to do with getting disability today? Fifteen years ago, I had a crappy job that paid nothing and I wasn't even depressed then. Of course everything makes me cry, so why should disability paperwork be any different? I thought I was starting to get better before I went back to work part time, but since then I have just gone down hill. I was getting to the point where I could think about the thoughts I was having and turn them around. Now it's like that skill is completely gone. All I can focus on is how miserable I am and how I see no end to the misery. Most of the time I don't even recognize that all I would have to do is change the way I am thinking and I would feel better. Instead of getting rid of the stories, I dive into them head first. I just want to go back to bed and pretend like life doesn't even exist. How am I ever going to get to the point where I can work full time? Right now, I'm wishing I could stop working again. I don't know what to do to change this depressed life of mine. I was driving down the street today when the train was going by. I found myself trying to figure out how fast it was going. I think it was going about 50 MPH. Is that fast enough to kill a person or just make their life suck even more. I don't know. I guess I better try to focus on what's good in my life before I go try to find out... I have a house. I have money in savings. I have family and friends who love me. Oh, boy, it's really hard to think of good things today.

Seriously???

Today I was at the pharmacy buying prescriptions when my debit card was declined.  I couldn't imagine what was wrong because I should have had plenty of money in the bank and I also have an overdraft account.  Well, after going to the bank, researching it online and looking through statements, I realized that not only had a merchant billed my account for $588 instead of $49, but my last paycheck had not posted to my account and now the bill that wasn't going to be paid was my mortgage payment.  I spent all afternoon on the phone trying to get things worked out.  It's still not resolved.  So, what did I do?
I sat down with a big bowl of ice cream and ate the whole thing.  Then I started thinking about how if I can't even handle something as simple as a mix up in my bank account, how am I going to handle going back to work, which I am planning on doing week after next.  I became more and more depressed until all I could think about was dying.  I cried and wished I were dead.
I was about to go to bed at 5:30pm, but decided to do some yoga instead.  After a few minutes of Yoga, I was calmed down and thinking more clearly.  I realized that if/when I get stressed out with work, I just need to step back and focus on something else for a while.
If someone else were telling me that I can't do it and that they wished I would die, I would just walk out of the room, so why not do that with myself.  I can't really leave my mind in another room, but I can get it focused on something else so I don't have to listen to that kind of thinking.  Turned out to be a very enlightening experience.  Just because those thoughts of failure, death, and discouragement come into my head doesn't mean that I have to entertain them!