Will this ever end???

I am so depressed and have been for weeks. I barely function, meaning getting out of bed is the hardest thing I do every day. I haven't even opened the curtains in my house for days. My main source of interaction is the television. I am sad that I don't have kids. I am sad that I live alone. I am sad that I have to get out of bed in the morning. I recently started exercising only to injure my foot, so now I'm in pain whenever I walk and I think I've put exercise on hold. Partly because of my foot, but partly because I just can't make myself get out of bed to go to the gym. My life is so miserable that I feel as if I would just be better off dead. Today I was filling out some paperwork for long term disability from work and just filling out the paperwork was so overwhelming that I started to cry. It's not like I didn't know the answers, but I just felt like I was filling out a job application. What in the world does my job from 15 years ago have to do with getting disability today? Fifteen years ago, I had a crappy job that paid nothing and I wasn't even depressed then. Of course everything makes me cry, so why should disability paperwork be any different? I thought I was starting to get better before I went back to work part time, but since then I have just gone down hill. I was getting to the point where I could think about the thoughts I was having and turn them around. Now it's like that skill is completely gone. All I can focus on is how miserable I am and how I see no end to the misery. Most of the time I don't even recognize that all I would have to do is change the way I am thinking and I would feel better. Instead of getting rid of the stories, I dive into them head first. I just want to go back to bed and pretend like life doesn't even exist. How am I ever going to get to the point where I can work full time? Right now, I'm wishing I could stop working again. I don't know what to do to change this depressed life of mine. I was driving down the street today when the train was going by. I found myself trying to figure out how fast it was going. I think it was going about 50 MPH. Is that fast enough to kill a person or just make their life suck even more. I don't know. I guess I better try to focus on what's good in my life before I go try to find out... I have a house. I have money in savings. I have family and friends who love me. Oh, boy, it's really hard to think of good things today.